I am convinced there is a conspiracy involving the “Paranormal Activity” hype.

I heard all the raves and the hyperbolic statements, like ” ‘Paranormal Activity’ is the most terrifying movie you’ll ever see,” or some crazy thing along those lines. So Saturday I went to see the movie, which was reportedly made for $15,000. And what I saw did scare the hell out of me…because I realized that all the hype was complete bullshit — and if it was authentic, then the world is full of idiots who have no idea what a good movie is.

“Paranormal Activity” was the most boring, un-terrifying movie I ever sat through. The rest of the audience obviously felt the same, as halfway through, people began blatantly talking on cellphones or to each other, and no one cared — not even me, and I hate when people do that in a theater. It took thirty mind-numbing minutes or so for the first scary moment to occur: a bedroom door creeks. That’s followed by such terrifying moments as a loud bang, footsteps, an even louder bang. During one of the movie’s supposed “big moments,” the audience actually burst into laughter. After the movie, we all filed out of the theater feeling ripped off, with a number of people saying out loud what a horrible, worthless movie we had just sat through. If “Paranormal Activity” scared you at all, it is probably because you have never seen another horror movie in your life. Or you think ladybugs are scary.

“Paranormal Activity” is as exciting as watching people sleep. Why is that? Because most of the movie takes place as the terrorized couple — Katie and Micah — sleeps.

This movie, which felt like a cheap online student film, has been getting such insane Internet buzz that it came out of nowhere and landed at No. 1 at the box office over the past weekend. Really? Really? Come on, really? I have to applaud DreamWorks for mounting what must be one of the greatest marketing schemes in history — and obviously paying off plenty of reviewers and 12-year-olds to talk the movie up on Twitter and Facebook.

Don’t believe the hype: “Paranormal Activity” is a snooze fest. The Internet has lied to us again. (Save your money and instead rent “Drag Me to Hell.”)

Optimus Prime is getting all the attention with the hype surrounding the “Transformers” movie. But what of those trucks that have come before and after the great Autobot leader? Blogzarro has scoured the world of movies, television, and comics to compile a list of the coolest trucks ever assembled. Here, I present another useless, idiotic list. Enjoy!

1 | OPTIMUS PRIME (Transformers)

Optimus isn’t just a damn truck. Aintcha heard, junior? He’s a robot in disguise. That makes Optimus Prime twice as cool as these other mere mortal trucks. How do you compete with a semi-truck equipped with a big-ass gun? Plus, he could kick any of these other guys’ tailpipes with one hand tied behind his back. However, I always thought the coolest thing about Prime was his deep, authoritative voice. But then I learned that Peter Cullen (Optimus Prime) is also the voice of Eeyore. So I can’t watch Winnie the Pooh without thinking, “Eeyore is freakin’ Optimus Prime!” Consequently, Eeyore has now become cooler than Tigger, but still not as cool as Piglet.